This will be the first fatherless Father’s Day for me and my siblings. Dad lived a long, productive life and we were very lucky to have him in our lives for so long, but it’s a painful loss just the same. My daughter, Mavia, once remarked that she could not imagine a world without Grandpa, but we now must do just that. Three weeks after his death I still find it difficult to type this without crying all over my computer.
Happily, Dad left us with many good memories and also with a lot of knowledge about how to live a good life. He gave us advice occasionally, but mostly he taught through example. Here are some of the lessons I remember. If I can learn even half of them I will consider my life to be a success.
Tell the truth- I remember visiting a tourist attraction with my family when I was a teenager. Children under a certain age, perhaps 6, could get in free, but three dollars was charged for older children. My youngest brother, Neil, has a July birthday and had just turned six, so I asked Dad if he would tell the ticket agent how old Neil was. Dad asked me if I thought he would lie for $3.00. Even at fourteen I could recognize a rhetorical question.
Be interested in people and learn their names- Many of us constantly use the excuse, “I remember faces but I’m just so bad with names!” Dad never had to say this. After he died we heard from numerous people about what a great guy he was. No one said, “He was so smart and successful.” Instead, they remembered that he always knew their names and could talk to them about what was important in their lives.
Work hard and do your best- Upon returning from work in the evening Dad would change his clothes, have a martini, eat dinner, and then go into his home office to work for a few more hours before he went to bed. On Saturdays he did yard work or whatever home repair was needed. We were expected to help in the yard of course, and I remember one day when I was raking leaves in a rather lazy fashion. Dad commented about my lack of commitment to the job at hand, so I got the idea and made more of an effort after that. Sundays were the only non-work days. We went to church in the morning, and in the afternoon Dad put his feet up and read the New York Times.
Remember the importance of family- When a man has a very busy and successful career his family life may suffer, but that was definitely not the case for the MacAvoys. As a young man Dad was devoted to his wife and children, and never put his career before his family. He once risked an important promotion at work because he refused to uproot us from our home in Corning. He got the promotion anyway, but traveled to Raleigh, NC frequently while he held that job. When he wasn’t working he spent time with the family: skiing, swimming, sailing, singing. After dinner he would read to us children; Treasure Island and Heidi were favorites. In later years he doted on his ten grandchildren, and they adored him. Dad had a way of making each one of them feel special.
Don’t be arrogant- There was a show on NPR recently about the personality changes that can take place in people as they become more prosperous. According to the guest, a person who is financially successful is likely to acquire an attitude of superiority and entitlement. He will begin to look down on those who are less well off, perhaps assuming that those unfortunate beings are undeserving. “I worked hard for what I have,” he may say to himself, “so why should I help those lazy people?” As I listened to the guest it occurred to me that my father wasn’t like that at all. Dad was truly a great man, but he never thought he was better or more important than anyone else. He felt that it was his responsibility to help others.
Be generous- My daughter, Melissa, once proposed this toast, “To Grandpa- the sponsor of my life!” Dad always gave generously to his family, his church and his community, and there were never any strings attached. Just because he was helping didn’t mean he needed to be in control; the only thing he wanted in return was a Thank-you.
Don’t complain about the food- I can’t remember Dad complaining about the food, either at home or anywhere else. I do remember one Saturday morning when I was about 10 years old. For breakfast Mom was making waffles, and I asked her why we couldn’t have French toast instead. For some reason Mom didn’t like that (go figure) and she went to tell Dad, who was working in the yard. I won’t go into detail about the consequences; suffice it to say that I would deeply regret my complaint about the waffles. Dad may have overreacted a little, but he was absolutely right. It's bad manners to complain about the food being served, and I never did it again!
Do it now- When something broke or needed attending to, Dad got to it right away. And I never remember him saying to Mom, if she had asked him to do something around the house, “not now” or “I’ll do it later.”
Put things away- Dad hung up his coat when he came home, filed his paperwork, and put away his tools after completing a task. At the end of the day he would walk around the living room, tidying up and checking for anything that was out of place. Maintaining order with four kids in the house was difficult, but Dad was up to the challenge. If one of us left a pair of shoes in the living room we might have to fish them out of the garbage the next day!
Guard your reputation & do the right thing- This is something I remember Dad talking about and although it was in the context of a company’s reputation I understood that it also applied to people. He said that companies often fail to understand the value of a good reputation, which must be protected by always doing the right thing despite the short term cost. Luckily, he worked for a company where that wisdom was appreciated.
Believe in God- One summer evening my son, George and my father were sitting out on the porch talking. George asked his Grandpa how he knew that God existed. By way of answer, Dad pointed to the sun setting beyond the hills on the west side of Keuka Lake.
